© 2017 Mills and Vorn.

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PARENTS IN TRAINING

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September 17, 2017

I was a little nervous when I arrived at Fertility Associates for Vorny’s egg collection and my semen collection. Probably because I’ve heard egg collection can be uncomfortable for the female and partly because I knew the semen collection would be another weird love triangle between me, a tiny receptacle and another Woman’s Day magazine.

All in solitary confinement with a lone chair and no wall art.

It started ba...

September 13, 2017

Vorn - It turns out I made too many eggs.

Mills - You’re like the Easter Bunny darl. What did the Doctor say?

Vorn  - She took a look at one of my ovaries and screamed, “Holy cow!”

Mills – She shouldn’t have called you that.

Vorn – No, she meant I was excellent at growing eggs.

Mills – Oh.

Vorn – Perhaps I should put that on my acting CV: horseriding; French; martial arts; growing eggs…

Mills – I like the ocean, but af...

September 11, 2017

Week one is DONE! Woop! We made it! And you know what? I'm loving these hormone drugs. Ha ha. I was prepared to go a little bit loopy, maybe curse at some drivers on the North Western motorway, possibly kill someone at netball? But weirdly I think they make me laugh more. The other night I Googled 'Do IVF fertility drugs make you laugh?' and according to a couple of sites I found, I might actually be on to somet...

September 6, 2017

I noticed recently when Vorny was injecting hormones into the small spring roll of fat on her belly, that my role in this IVF journey is a supporting one. Typically as an actor you crave the lead roles, but Vorny’s the one with the vagina and the ovaries. I’ve just got a sad looking penis and 2 slow sperms who think optimism is an ointment for sore eyes. Sure they might be dumber than a box of hair, but you love...

September 4, 2017

It's been a week. I've had my scan. Turns out I'm pretty good at growing eggs. The morning of my scan, I woke up with some phantom pains in my lower back and down my legs. I made a guess this is my sciatic nerve? This is possibly because my ovaries are growing lots of little 'eggy weggies' quite quickly and maybe they're pressing on my nerves and things? My right ovary is tucked away behind my bowel so that made...

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