'Duet' - by Vorn and Mills

September 13, 2017


Vorn - It turns out I made too many eggs.


Mills - You’re like the Easter Bunny darl. What did the Doctor say?


Vorn  - She took a look at one of my ovaries and screamed, “Holy cow!”


Mills – She shouldn’t have called you that.


Vorn – No, she meant I was excellent at growing eggs.


Mills – Oh.


Vorn – Perhaps I should put that on my acting CV: horseriding; French; martial arts; growing eggs…


Mills – I like the ocean, but after my fertiity test I don’t think I can put ‘able semen’ on my CV anymore.


Vorn – Everybody lies on their acting CV’s Mills. If I had to play a French lady who rides horseback, I reckon I could learn those things on the job.


Mills – You think?


Vorn – Yeah. Haven’t you ever told a lie on your CV?


Mills – I once told an employer I was a hard worker.


Vorn - Really?


Mills – They were on to me though. When I left to attend drama school, my boss said I'd do well given I’d been acting how to work there for the last 2 years.


Vorn – You’re a hard worker Mills. You’ve been putting Alistair and Bruce through some pretty intense training. No alcohol. No coffee. Eating healthy and taking your multi-vitamins.


Mills – Thanks darl. Yeah, I think in the last few weeks I haven’t consumed alcohol, I’ve lost 3kg and 4 friends. Alistair and Bruce should be very appreciative. I just need one of them to ‘step up’ to one of your 600,000 eggs.


Vorn – Yeah. All this egg production means I have to do the ‘trigger’ injection tonight. And in 2 days time we’ll go back to the clinic for egg collection.


Mills – The ‘Egg Collection’ sounds like The Ovaries greatest hits album. I hear they put you under sedation with a local anaesthetic. If you like, I’m quite happy to go under with you? We can both dream about having a steady income darl.


Vorn – Ha ha. That'd be nice.


Mills – I just had a thought. During semen collection, I’ll have to say goodbye to “2 spermies that I used to know….!”


Vorn – It will be emotional.


Mills – Hmmm.


(singing like Gotye and Kimbra)


Vorn – “But you didn't have to cut Mills off…”


Mills – “Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing"


Vorn – “He doesn’t even need your love”


Mills – “But you treat me like a stranger from your petrie dish”

Vorn – “No, you didn't have to stoop so low”


Mills – “Have your friends collect your sample and then change your number”


Vorn – “I guess Mills doesn’t need that though”


Mills – “Now you're just 2 spermies that I used to know”


Vorn – “ (2 spermies, He used to know, 2 spermies) ”

Mills – “Now you're just 2 spermies that I used to know”


Vorn –  (2 spermies, He used to know, 2 spermies)


Mills – Now you're just 2 spermies that I used to know!”


Vorn – Goodnight Mills.


Mills – Night darl.

Share on Facebook
Share on Twitter
Please reload

Please reload


© 2017 Mills and Vorn.


  • Black Facebook Icon
  • Black Instagram Icon