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'Duet' - by Vorn and Mills

September 13, 2017

 

Vorn - It turns out I made too many eggs.

 

Mills - You’re like the Easter Bunny darl. What did the Doctor say?

 

Vorn  - She took a look at one of my ovaries and screamed, “Holy cow!”

 

Mills – She shouldn’t have called you that.

 

Vorn – No, she meant I was excellent at growing eggs.

 

Mills – Oh.

 

Vorn – Perhaps I should put that on my acting CV: horseriding; French; martial arts; growing eggs…

 

Mills – I like the ocean, but after my fertiity test I don’t think I can put ‘able semen’ on my CV anymore.

 

Vorn – Everybody lies on their acting CV’s Mills. If I had to play a French lady who rides horseback, I reckon I could learn those things on the job.

 

Mills – You think?

 

Vorn – Yeah. Haven’t you ever told a lie on your CV?

 

Mills – I once told an employer I was a hard worker.

 

Vorn - Really?

 

Mills – They were on to me though. When I left to attend drama school, my boss said I'd do well given I’d been acting how to work there for the last 2 years.

 

Vorn – You’re a hard worker Mills. You’ve been putting Alistair and Bruce through some pretty intense training. No alcohol. No coffee. Eating healthy and taking your multi-vitamins.

 

Mills – Thanks darl. Yeah, I think in the last few weeks I haven’t consumed alcohol, I’ve lost 3kg and 4 friends. Alistair and Bruce should be very appreciative. I just need one of them to ‘step up’ to one of your 600,000 eggs.

 

Vorn – Yeah. All this egg production means I have to do the ‘trigger’ injection tonight. And in 2 days time we’ll go back to the clinic for egg collection.

 

Mills – The ‘Egg Collection’ sounds like The Ovaries greatest hits album. I hear they put you under sedation with a local anaesthetic. If you like, I’m quite happy to go under with you? We can both dream about having a steady income darl.

 

Vorn – Ha ha. That'd be nice.

 

Mills – I just had a thought. During semen collection, I’ll have to say goodbye to “2 spermies that I used to know….!”

 

Vorn – It will be emotional.

 

Mills – Hmmm.

 

(singing like Gotye and Kimbra)

 

Vorn – “But you didn't have to cut Mills off…”

 

Mills – “Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing"

 

Vorn – “He doesn’t even need your love”

 

Mills – “But you treat me like a stranger from your petrie dish”
 

Vorn – “No, you didn't have to stoop so low”

 

Mills – “Have your friends collect your sample and then change your number”

 

Vorn – “I guess Mills doesn’t need that though”

 

Mills – “Now you're just 2 spermies that I used to know”

 

Vorn – “ (2 spermies, He used to know, 2 spermies) ”
 

Mills – “Now you're just 2 spermies that I used to know”

 

Vorn –  (2 spermies, He used to know, 2 spermies)

 

Mills – Now you're just 2 spermies that I used to know!”

 

Vorn – Goodnight Mills.

 

Mills – Night darl.

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