Baby Names

What about Kevin? Oh no that’s Vorny’s dad’s name. Or Cathy? Hmm, if she likes flying, they might call her Cathy Pacific. What about Rhonda? No, like The Beatles tune, people will keep asking her for help. Man, it’s tricky territory picking your kid’s name, and like my endurance ‘betwixt’ the sheets, it’s possibly a tad premature given we haven’t even conceived yet. But it sure is fun tossing around potential baby names so you’re ready and waiting if/when little Kevin (or Cathy) arrives.

Mum and dad got my name off a Yugoslav immigrant, Milan Sisarich, in the 70’s. He sold fish in New Plymouth and was one of dad’s accounting clients. As Wikipedia says, Yugoslavia was a country in Southeastern Europe during most of the 20th century. It’s now where you find places like Serbia and Bosnia. I say this because I don’t know how much you read or watch TV. I watch bugger all on account of my short attention span. Plus the news is so dramatic and politicised, it gives me a nosebleed. I’m clearly no example, but shoot I should be shouldn’t

I? If I’m going to start breeding, Kevin and Cathy need to look up to me don't they?

Recently, I was invited to be a guest speaker at my old High School’s end of year senior prize-giving. It was an honour to wax lyrical about my ‘career’ and offload some amateur advice to the boys about life, but for someone who’s lived a life that has sometimes contradicted the school motto, ‘be the example’, I felt like a fraud.

Boys’ High is right, I must grow up and be an example. Or maybe I can just call my kid a name that evokes being an example. What about Eliza Gwen? She’s literally an example (E.G.) Or maybe Alan? He sounds like he’d be a leader amongst men and women. Mind you, every time he opens a door people will ask him if he’s got his Alan key. What about Penny? Or will people keep asking her for money for her thoughts. Joey’s a lovely name, but what if he looks like a small kangaroo (big feet and a little head). I once had an Uncle Sexton, Sexton Baird. Now there’s a name for the ages. But is it a bit rude?

Having Baird as a surname means I can't call my children cool names like Water, Blue or Grey. It also means if he or she doesn't marry they'll be a single Baird. If they do, they'll be a double Baird. I like the name Tyler, but people might think that's his or her profession. I like Oliver too, but what about restaurants,"Oliver steak thanks. And for desert, Oliver chocolate fondant."

Maybe it’s time to start tapping into fruit like Gwyneth Paltrow. Didn't she call her kid Apple? Maybe i’ll call my first born Apricot. Mind you if he starts smoking illegal substances, they’ll call him a stoned fruit. Too much sun and he’ll be a dried apricot.

Can’t win. It’s a tough road. Ooh, there’s an idea – roads. Has anyone tapped into roads?, “Where’s Pavement? Anyone seen Pavement? He took a walk with Bitumen, but they should’ve been back by now.”



© 2017 Mills and Vorn.

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