© 2017 Mills and Vorn.

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Happy New Year

January 3, 2018

It feels like we haven’t blogged since the Chou Dynasty (the Chou or Zhou dynasty ruled China from about 1027 to about 221 BC) so we thought a New Year’s update was on the cards. At this stage, a small Alison or Kevin is growing inside Vorny’s body. She is currently 8 ½ weeks preggers and we’re happier than a horse in a long face contest. We’re both in shock, actually, and we’re now wondering who made the cut? Was it Slow Pete or Fast Eddie? 

 

It just creeps up on you and BOOM! One minute you’re not pregnant, the nek minute there’s 2 pink lines on the pregnancy test. Our hearts were racing like a thoroughbred on Boxing Day, so off we galloped to the office of Fertility Fingers herself, the incredible Dr Mary Birdsall, to look at a tiny beating heart on a slightly bigger screen. It was a Kodak moment, one that Mills recorded on his cheap Huawei phone, and Mary assured us that there was now a 96% chance that the tiny beating heart would become a bouncy baby Brian (or Elsie). 

 

That’s the good news.

 

The not so good news is that, while Mills says he’s feeling fine, Vorny has been hugging the procelain bowl like a long lost relative. Every time he turns around, she's in the ‘shithouse crouch’ spewing like a demon into the House of Lords. They say any more than 4 pukes a day is cause for concern so we're keeping a close eye on the spewing stats. Morning sickness really is horrible – it’s like Invasion of the Body Snatchers. 

 

Vorny’s appetite has changed too. She's now waking at 4am every morning and loudly consuming crackers, gherkins and chocolates like a starving python downing a tall gazelle. She sounds like a piece of Canadian machinery. Or a beautiful walrus being jabbed with a hot poker. Mills just sits there with a shocked look on his face - he’s as useful as a lifeguard with a wandering eye. Then at 7am, the nausea strikes again and Mills sprints off like a scared greyhound to make Vorny 12 slices of toast with honey and a Gumboot tea. Luckily morning sickness is only temporary and apparently it’s a good sign that the little embryo is hanging on for dear life.

 

We’re aware that this is very early in the mix to be shouting from the rooftops that a baby is en route. The risk of miscarriage is still very real – 15 to 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage and then there’s the other dangers like ectopic pregancies, which are a lot higher with IVF babies. But for now, we are pleased to announce, so far, so good.

 

Happy New Year to you all. Have a cracker start to the year and we’ll chat soon. xxx

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